Listen to Dr. Joe Malone and Jacob Barr talk about the science behind bonding that can occur during a healthy dating relationship and how that leads to a healthy marriage relationship.
Relevant Research:
- https://www.amazon.com/This-Your-Brain-Birth-Control/dp/0525536035
- https://www.hli.org/resources/negative-effects-of-the-pill/
- https://www.liveaction.org/news/dangers-hormonal-birth-control/
Summary
This is Jacob Barr, and in this episode of the Pro-Life Team Podcast, I had an enriching discussion with Dr. Joe Malone about marriage, sexuality, and making healthy sexual decisions. Dr. Malone shared his insights into human sexual wellness, emphasizing that sexual wellness equates to sexual integrity, especially for females. He highlighted the biological and psychological aspects of sexual behavior and its impact on individuals and relationships.
We delved into the complexities of various relationship scenarios, including dating and monogamous marriage, and the implications of sexual choices in these contexts. Dr. Malone stressed the importance of sexual integrity in all relationship forms and the detrimental effects of deviating from this principle, particularly in non-monogamous arrangements.
The conversation also covered the role of sexual education in secular school systems, underscoring the need for scientifically backed health information that promotes healthy sexual decisions. Dr. Malone shared alarming statistics about the use of hormonal birth control among young women and its adverse effects, including altering attraction patterns and increased health risks.
We discussed the scientific basis of human sexual integrity and the physiological differences in how men and women experience and process sexual relationships. Dr. Malone pointed out the societal pressures that push young women towards promiscuity and the benefits of chastity and sexual integrity for both men and women.
The podcast concluded with a focus on the importance of fostering strong marital bonds and how couples can strengthen their relationships through periods of romance and commitment to each other. Dr. Malone’s insights provided a comprehensive understanding of the scientific and moral foundations of sexual wellness and integrity.
#Hashtags:
#ProLifeTeamPodcast, #MarriageAndSexuality, #HealthySexualDecisions, #SexualWellness, #SexualIntegrity, #Relationships, #SexualEducation, #BirthControlEffects, #Chastity, #MaritalBonds, #RomanceInMarriage, #SexualHealth, #BiologicalDifferences, #SocietalPressures, #PromotingChastity.
Transcript
The transcript was automatically generated and may contain errors.
Jacob Barr :
Welcome to the pro-life Team Podcast i’m here with Doctor Joe Malone and we’re going to talk about marriage and sexuality and ways to ways to improve one’s health by making healthy sexual decisions. So Doctor Joe, I’m excited to have you on the pro-life Team Podcast would you introduce yourself as if you were talking to a small group of pregnancy clinic leadership teams?
Dr. Joe Malone :
Sure i’d be glad to. Yeah again, last time I was on and again, thanks for having me this time as well, Jacob. I shared that I’m new to this movement, but I’ve learned a lot in the last month, I guess you should say. And what I’d like to say is pregnancy center help folks, pregnancy help center i should say I’m here to help you and thank you guys you know you helped so many people and it’s such a day in and day out you know you’re putting your lives on the line. Hopefully what I, what God’s given me is going to allow me to help you work with these young women and help them to prevent the need for abortions in the future that’s my hope and my prayer.
Jacob Barr :
So can you tell us what human sexual Wellness is and what are your thoughts and research? What’s been the research on this topic like, what’s it saying? What have you found?
Dr. Joe Malone :
Excellent yeah. Sexual Wellness, again, that would get that would if you just, you know, took it and defined it as it is. Wellness is generally the proxy and preventive lifestyle, and we all know what sexual means so lifestyle that’s preventive as far as problems goes, it’s what sexual Wellness would mean. But in my research, as you asked Jacob, what I found is that sexual Wellness equals sexual integrity so again, I came into this without really much bias at all and what I found is that the science and then God’s design match up and show that again sexual Wellness really works out to being sexual integrity and again, especially for females in our species let’s put it that way because I’ve studied this on a species level so it’s different with different species but for humans, definitely sexual Wellness equals sexual integrity.
Jacob Barr :
And so, Speaking of sexual integrity, what does that look like when it comes to the different scenarios that people find themselves within, such as a dating couple and variations of that, along with a monogamous marriage relationship, and also different variations of that?
Dr. Joe Malone :
All of the other variations besides a monogamous marriage are less than ideal. I got a good friend and colleague in Chicago that runs in an initiative and he took he’s brought up to me that we have a yes, we have a abortion problem in this country, obviously, but even more than that, we have a marriage problem because 86 % of abortions go to unwed mothers so if we could do something about the 86 % of young women, girls even that are getting pregnant and you know out of circumstances that are not a married couple circumstance we could go a long way to helping with the abortion situation that again, that’s what I want to be as a scientific resource to the pregnancy care center Staffs to help bring this knowledge, this information to the girls and young women that they’re working with and try to prevent things from happening or at least maybe after maybe a situation has been dealt with, pregnancy has been dealt with, Maybe from there that young woman can learn the science. And then again, it’s backed up by the Bible, obviously i mean, Genesis three sixteen, says, you know your desire will be for your husband and a lot of people pass Passover that’s right, you know, the beginning of the Bible but God really created women with a strong desire to cleave to their husband and to have well first of all have a husband cleave to them. And again I think there’s a scientifically that what I’ve found out is that there’s an instinct or an intelligence in women that pushes them along the little lot the way to be having sexual integrity. It’s just that this society is giving so many messages and pushing them so hard in the direction of promiscuity that a lot of them fall to that so a lot of what I want to do today even is share some of the science on this and again encourage pregnancy care center Staffs to start speaking to these young women and girls about chastity till marriage. Again, no matter what their history has been they can start it start practicing it from that point forward because again the science is telling us when again we’ve just now got this science so the human experience has told us this before that this and of course the Bible has been saying these things all the way along. But now we have the science that can help these young women to see that they’re not doing themselves or well, themselves especially, but any other women any favors by being promiscuous before marriage and i’ll go into why that’s true in a minute here but I want to let you have another question if you like.
Jacob Barr :
Sure. So when it comes to secular school systems, how might this health information scientifically backed be used by elementary schools, middle schools and high schools in a secular public school environment?
Dr. Joe Malone :
Well, again, there’s been a lot of debate over, you know, the young kids having any kind of sex Ed, I would go along with that in a lot of ways there’s I think there’s an age of innocence that they kind of need to be able to grow up through. But there comes a time, a middle school, high school, where they should Start learning some of these things and it should be again, age appropriate and sensitive to what they’re going through because we definitely don’t want to promote sexualization we want to lower sexualization. I believe that a lot of the sex Ed that’s being done now, especially comprehensive sexuality education is trying to promote sexualization of the students and it’s really destructive And So what we’re going to try to do is be constructive in the way of giving them tools where they can understand themselves. The young women also understand the young men and understand the differences between the two and how they see things differently and use that to their advantage. The other really important thing that they need to learn early, well again somewhere in the high school, middle school time period and again this is something that you can teach. You know any probably from middle schooler up is that boys and girls, men and women fall in love differently as this is like a headliner here because only in about the last 10 years have we discovered this. There’s two different ways that males are benefited by having by romancing a woman rather than having casual sex with her and it benefits the relationship as well, benefits the chances of getting on the pathway to marriage. One of them one way is that vasopressin. And again this research as far as the way vasopressin works in the brain as far as male bonding is very recent. There’s been other knowledge about vasopressin, how acts throughout the rest of the body for a long time but so vasopressin is again the major male bonding neurotransmitter and hormone. The only way that it gets a chance to bond though is if a young man, a young woman, date or around each other you know, it doesn’t really matter what they do if they’re sexually attracted to each other. The male’s vasopressin is going to be building up in his brain. If he has, if they have sex and if he comes to climax what the chemicals at climax which is huge amount of testosterone dopamine goes down actually serotonin, oxytocin and especially opioids which is the major reward chemical they all, they all really blast up they all really explode I guess you’d say and that vasopressin gets washed out but if he if he’s just attracted to her she’s around he’s around her they’re dating again old school it’s the old school approach. It’s the old judeo-christian society based on judeo-christian society that had the rules as far as no premarital sex and that type of thing. It allowed the vasopressin to be in the young men’s brains long enough for them to form receptors. And when receptors were formed eventually after months and months and months of this courtship type of thing, then the vasopressin itself would go into the receptor and lock and at that point a young man falls in love or bonds however you want to put it. One other again headliner here for girls and young women is that besides that reason to not be sexually active before marriage if you want to ever get married is oxytocin you know, women have lots of oxytocin and lots of estrogen and they boost each other. So that’s one of the reason that the way that things have been going in our culture has been so bad for women is that they fall in love readily at with sex they fall in love readily with intercourse. So but again it keeps the male from falling in love with him and bonding with him. But if the male is held off like this, again if they do the traditional romance and courtship and that type of thing and save sex for marriage, then he has oxytocin that he that you know rises whenever he’s around her and they hug and they you know kiss and that type of thing, it’s going to continue it’s going to rise and the testosterone again at orgasm his testosterone explodes amongst the others that I named. And oxytocin gets driven down by testosterone so as long as his testosterone is not is not going high then the oxytocin has a chance to build its bonds as well. And when a man commits on any level, you know, boyfriend engagement, marriage has children, especially when you have children drops like 50 % Oxy testosterone drops at all those stages and so there’s definitely Jacob a plan here in motion there’s a design God has designed this and designed humans to be monogamous there’s just that we have you know America and Western Europe has lost their ways on in this situation. So getting back to the pregnancy centers again, if we can start teaching girls and young women this scientific truth and give them a reason to practice chastity primarily we’re going to help the situation tremendously because we’re going to be able to head off unwanted pregnancies before the before the even happen so but let me just share a little quick story. A young woman, 2-2 young women that I’ve dealt with in the past have told me that they’re one father, one mother. In each case, their the father mothers were in divorced from, you know, the original mom and dad and they were the ones that wanted out of the marriage. But they told their girls that the only way they were going to get a guy in this day and age was to sleep with them you don’t have sex with them ahead of time and we’ve got parents telling their daughters this. So again a very destructive situation let alone with the school is telling them so. But that’s something that I think that the pregnancy center Staffs can really use information that’s going to again help them to get these girls and young women to realize, hey, someday I want to fall in love with somebody someday I want to get married. Someday I want to have children. And this is the old school the biblical approach is the way to do it and again, it’s been proven scientifically in about the last 10 years. You won’t hear that very many places because they’re trying to tell a different story. They don’t want that they don’t want that truth to come out but that’s the truth and that’s something I want to try to get out there to them.
Jacob Barr :
So to recap, it sounds like we have been designed to be romantic in order to form a love bond that have that romance without climax for a long season, and then that long season gives our bodies time to biologically develop the love connection.
Dr. Joe Malone :
Exactly. You restated that extremely well that’s exactly the way it is and then on the other end of it, you know, the other end where and these girls and young women have been pushed again, a lot of it’s by the feminists, the radical feminists that have said tried to say, you know, that girls and women are just the same as guys i mean, they’ve got to act just like guys do and they got, especially in the area of sexuality, they’ve got to be very aggressive and that type of thing. Well, hookup cultures come because of that. And really I mean the truth of it is that hookup culture the way it is, enables and empowers rape culture. Again you hear about rape culture on the campuses and again, 80 % of rapes or unwanted sexuality, sexual assault, all those different categories, 80 % of it happens within the context of a hookup so not only is there a positive to courtship and romance and holding off on sex until till marriage, not only a positive in that direction of that you’re actually probably in going to end up getting married and you’re going to have a happy couple and we’re going to have a happy family eventually you’re going to they have a lot enough of those you’re going to have a happy country not only on that end of it but also on the other end on the on the pushing promiscuity literally on campuses and wherever else they can you’re actually they’re actually endangering our girls and young women. And so that is something that needs to be stood up against as well and needs to be called out because universities are really they’re really bad in doing that because it is it’s not hidden The research is there and they should know better but they’re but they continue this sexualization is the best way that I can put it. Even at that age they’re pushing sexuality they’re pushing basically contraception and abortion you know if all the other things fail. So that’s a kind of a double edged sword there that you win on each end of that if you practice chastity to marriage.
Jacob Barr :
Sounds like you’re sharing a scientific approach that supports chastity and it also seems to you know it’s a reason to not promote contraceptives being handed out in order to encourage premarital sex or sex outside of marriage. Because that would essentially just line people up with, well, avoiding these love connections being made, as well as when contraceptives fail, then we’re lining ourselves up for ending the life of a, of a of a conceived child.
Dr. Joe Malone :
Yeah, exactly yeah i’m glad that I’m communicating this the way it is because you’re picking it up exactly the way what I’m saying and again, for a while here in my life, you know, I’ve kind of held off on you know, sharing this type of thing because it’s so there’s so many people out there that are, you know, will cancel you or whatever you know, they don’t want to hear this. But again, especially our girls and young women, they need to hear and the guys, the guys are benefited by it as well when they when they are kind of helped, helped down that path or forced down that pathway of chivalry and you know, treating the girls with respect and you know, romance, being romantic with them, they end up being benefited by it as well. While we’re on hormonal birth control, yes, it’s got a ton of negative effects to it, especially the younger the girl is the 15 to 19 year old stage. There’s all kinds of suicide increases and cutting and depression and anxiety, but even the even the older ones, you know in their twenties and that type of thing, bunch of bad effects there. The other another big thing is that hormonal birth control causes women and girls to be attracted to somebody that they wouldn’t be attracted to normally. And often times what that what that’s about is that it changes their chemistry so that they’re attracted to people who are more like them genetically than they would be otherwise. And so a lot of the a lot of them when they go off the pill, you know after they get married, finally they’re not attracted to their husband anymore you know that’s a horrible, horrible place to be there and it also dampens their sex drive is dampened they don’t go through the normal cycle that women do the kind of the ups and downs along with antidepressants it really, it really depresses the sex drive and the course is after they’re married and you know, wanting to have a good sex life all of that can be extremely negative. It also again, this doesn’t get any much press, but it also causes clots at a much higher rate, Blood clots and cancer is increased so Jacob, to tell you the truth, the old school way, you know girls and boys, they grew up and right around 20 to 25 but especially probably closer to 20, they got married and they started having children and then they had quite a few children and then she breastfed them. All of those things add up to a healthier life, higher, much higher chance of a healthier life for the young woman then she would if she was doing what we’re talking about now. Again the birth control pills have a lot of negative effects behaviorally as well as just flat out health wise. Let me just read you a couple of things here as far as what I was talking about with the behavior of the girls and young women how it affects how their early behavior effects their health later in life. So early sexual arousal on a young woman or girl and young woman she influences her to be more sexual as she gets older so the earlier the first sexual arousal the more she’s going to have a tendency to be higher sex driven than she would have been early and promiscuous sexual activity raises her chances of develop developing vaginal and cervical cancer. We already talked about this was used as a teenager or young adult with hormonal birth control really raises the chance of depression and committing suicide. None or a minimal number of pregnancies, and none or minimal breastfeeding raises her chances for both ovarian and uterine cancer, and ovarian is usually fatal. If they get that, here’s another one that has to do with the home, and I’ll explain this a little bit. Beginning to menstruate early for a girl raises her chances of getting uterine cancer down the line now we would think to ourselves and it’s really not her fault so you know if she starts to start her period earlier and it isn’t but it can be the fault of the home because and again there’s a couple other things out to be fair I’ll throw in here obesity is raising this because when a girl’s body gets enough fat that signals that start menstruating and there was one other one oh the stuff everything the things are in the environment the plastics are in the environment also have a tendency to raise it but here’s the big one a girl that’s in an intact home with her mom and dad and you know where that especially that dad is around her biological dad is around they found that they start menstruating later and the girls that don’t have their dad in their home or if they have like somebody else a male in the home or like a step step dad they’ll they’ll start their period early. So it’s a destabilizing thing in their home so again we spoke of marriage earlier Marriage solves most of these problems a good marriage and it’s hard to even list how many how many benefits there are to being in a good marriage some other. If we if I get the opportunity to and the honor to talk to you again another maybe another one of these i’ll sort I’ll go through marriage and all of the all the benefits but I’ll add a couple of things if you here if you don’t mind too so every way you look at this girls lose young women lose being sexually active you know casual sex. I would say casual sex is a Nazi moron because there’s no such thing as casual sex. I’ll just give you this after hooking up the effects on women 78 % of women regretted it when are depressed at higher rates after hooking up. Women have lower self esteem after hooking up and women’s they have higher general mental distress. So again, hooking up, needing to have birth control beyond birth control because you are hooking up, all of it adds up to a really unhealthy and unwellness situation. Probably some of the lowest sexual Wellness that we could ever look for. But in addition to that, men have attitudes towards women and girls that do are sexually active or practice casual sex because women and girls need to know this, that after a sexual like after a couple has that isn’t married, has the sexual intercourse a lot of the young men, especially the ones that are more of the player types and kind of probably the more popular ones, dating a lot of girls and that type of thing, within 10 seconds after climaxing his valuation of her and even how she looks to him, how attractive she is to him goes down even to the point of her not being attractive anymore. Now for the young man that weren’t players and you know that didn’t go out with girls and women to try to just get in the bed with them, that wasn’t true but girls and women should know that these guys that they think are so, you know, they’re so attractive and everything and then I’ll never have a chance to get him if I don’t have sex with him. They need to know that when you have sex with this guy, he’s going to devalue your, what you’re worth doing. You’re devaluing yourself in his eyes. The other thing they need to know, and again this will come as a surprise, I think to most people is that men really value faithfulness in their married partners and this is, this is including the players I was just talking about. They’re number out of a hundred and thirty traits in a in a woman that they want to get married to someday. They pick faithfulness as number one and not being, I guess you say cheap or whatever or you know, being sexually active, they value that number one for being for a future marriage partner out of 130 different traits and then the ones that follow beneath that were honesty, the types of things that if a young woman or girl is practicing chastity and sexual restraint, he’s going to see her that way. So again, it’s been a little surprising to me scientifically because of the way our society is, but scientifically and again, you can go to the Bible, you can go to a lot of other, you know, faith, lot of other religious resources and they’re all, they all say the same thing and they’re all correct. So does that make sense?
Jacob Barr :
It is amazing that you’re showing the value of chastity through a biological lens. And it makes sense that when someone says I don’t want to have sex, while the culture is saying that if you have sex, you’re going to hook them into marriage. And not having sex will align you with being a more desirable life partner because it’s a value to have chastity and integrity looking more long term than short term. I’m imagining how crazy clinic leadership teams are hearing this, and they will find ways to communicate this to young clients. I have a question for you so are there, are there stats or with your research, have you seen that women are taking the pill before they menstruate or as soon as they start menstruating is that what’s the What’s the reality Look like for young girls on the pill?
Dr. Joe Malone :
It looks like about the youngest age they start taking the pill is 15 and that which they would mean that they’d be menstruating maybe a year or two before that. And of course when they start menstruating, it’s usually all over the board you know it isn’t regular. It takes quite a long time to some of them to the near their to near the end of their teenage years for it to become regular. That’s why even back in the days you know back in the ancient days most of the time pregnancies didn’t occur until you know right around 20 or so were the first pregnancy in a marriage would take place even though they may have gotten married earlier which they did back in the day again used to be 12 was a was the age of consent for a long time in Europe and again back into the Middle Ages and that type of thing so yeah so it’s about 1515 years old and again those 15 and 19 year olds they really are suffer from the hormone exposure and it’s bad on the on the oral you know the pill contraceptives but it’s even worse with things like IU DS or patch or whatever where they have those big dosages of it i mean, the stats, I don’t have them in front of me, but this is scary how much depression and anxiety that brings on and then also completed suicides. I mean that that’s one of the most tragic things I can think of as a girl, young or young woman, you know, ended up killing themselves as a result of, you know, the way they feel and that type of thing because they want to be sexually active and that type of thing.
Jacob Barr :
And then when you mentioned that a woman who’s on the pill, who she’s attracted to changes maybe to match someone closer to her own makeup when it comes to compared to that of not being on the pill. And so if she ends up getting married while on the pill, she may find that her attraction dissipates after getting off the pill. I’m what I’m thinking that it might be really helpful for you to maybe provide a scientific journal link or something that we can include in the notes of this podcast so that way people can refer to that study. But I feel like that’s a message that needs to be delivered to these 15 plus year old women who are starting or thinking about the pill so that they can understand. You know, it’s essentially it’s going to mess with their ability to find out who they’re attracted to and it’s going to result in some problems after they get off the pill and that’s yeah, such a such an important message to hear and I did not know that until you mentioned it in this podcast.
Dr. Joe Malone :
Yeah, well, it’s just now really becoming known i mean, it’s been known, you know, by the by the medical folks and the scientists probably for five or six years and maybe a little more than that but it takes a long time especially for news like that goes against the favored narrative to get out into the into the mainstream. You might say again most women don’t realize that you know waiting until they’re in their thirties to get married and then trying to have children you know after that they don’t realize all of the negativity that brings on as well so again chromosomal damages to their children the odds go way up on that and again I alluded to the kind of the old school. Not even that old though because back in the early sixties basically people were getting married young and you know just give you a few stats on that. There are three times more 20 to 29 year olds married in the early nineteen sixties than there are now three times in 19 in the early nineteen sixties seventy. Five percent seventy 5 % of 18 years old and older were married. So again three fourths and then again, going back to the abortion challenge we have, you know, in the early sixties only 5 % of babies were born out of wedlock and you want to guess how much it is now overall, the average, Jacob?
Jacob Barr :
Well, I know it’s higher, but yeah lots of is it half?
Dr. Joe Malone :
It say that one more time.
Jacob Barr :
Is it half?
Dr. Joe Malone :
Actually as far as being born out of wedlock, there was there was about 5 % being born out of wedlock in the early sixties of two. Thousand and ten, there’s 40 % being born out of wedlock i mean I’m sure it’s higher now in 2022 so we went from 5 % in the early sixties again when we had these guardrails on that we’re talking about as far as societal stigma if you’re sexually active before marriage and that type of thing. We had 5 % then overall the total society and now we have 40 % so it’s increased well, again, that’s statistics.
Jacob Barr :
5050 years.
Dr. Joe Malone :
Yeah it increased by 8 times.
Jacob Barr :
Yeah, that’s, yeah and with another 12 years based on that trend, it’s probably 50 or more at this point, but it’s probably in that ballpark.
Dr. Joe Malone :
Yeah exactly and again, we’ve had a lot of, you know, young people these days are they’re not getting married. You know, they’re cohabiting. There’s just all these different variations that are going away from, again, the tradition of, OK, you get to a certain point, you know, maybe you’re a High School graduate if you’re not going to go on to college, you know, you got you, you’re in love with somebody. You’re not afraid to get married at 20 or so 2021 you know 2223 whatever. And again while you’re young the females peak fertility is age 19 to 29 and the males is 24 to 26 so you’re right in right there in the fertility peak so there’s just a lot of positives to following that time honored and Bible biblical you know again to keep from committing fornication sometimes it’s not a good idea to let the time lapse too long that you’re an adult basically you have all these hormones and you don’t have anybody telling you can’t do it except you know people like us and the Christian Church and so it makes it pretty difficult but if we can start getting the perception of marriage is OK a little younger, I think that would help things a lot as well. Let me throw a few couple more things in just to for the especially for the women that are listening on this thing on this idea of casual sex, giving men casual sex. Because again they did some research on men’s regrets versus women’s regrets and I just had to shake my head when I when I went through this study but women’s regrets were losing things like losing their virginity to the wrong person and or you know having sex when they were drunk and that person was really a creep when they got sober and they were interested in the hook up turning into a relationship. So and hardly ever did it do that very seldom. That was women’s regrets after a hookup. Men’s regrets, they regretted that they missed probably some other sexual opportunities. They regretted that they didn’t have more sex when they’re younger again, this isn’t all men, but this was more men said these things than women did and vice versa. And finally failing to capitalize on opportunities that they had to hook up in the past so again it’s like women, if they can just catch on to this. They really are in control. They’ve got the superpower and if they decide as a as a whole or most of them decide to change this, the way things are in the society, it will change and it will go back to what we were talking about in the sixties and, again people always say, you know you can’t go back, you know, they always make that statement. But actually I used to teach history and history is not linear. It’s actually cyclical it goes back and forth Again. If we have a strong enough motivation to do it, we can take things back in the direction that they were fifty sixty. Years ago OK, my done with my preaching there. Go ahead 1-1 more questions one other questions sure.
Jacob Barr :
So the other items on the list was to talk about the scientific basis of human sexual integrity and marriage, but I think we’ve covered that somewhat is there anything more you’d like to say on that topic? Or the male sexual system or the female sexual system?
Dr. Joe Malone :
The only thing I’d like to say in addition on the on the marriage and sexual integrity is i want to reiterate for the folks that are listening and especially the pregnancy care center folks and especially for the ladies in the that are you know pregnancy care folks. It really is. You know they have you all have probably felt you know earlier depending on how old you are. You felt pressure to be maybe promiscuous and that type of thing as a young woman and probably a lot of you resisted it some of you didn’t but it actually is put there by God for our good and again females not only in our species but in many other species they’re the ones that are the gatekeepers for sexuality and most other species where we don’t have social pressures like we have in this in this society. They put a lot of pressure on the on the males to produce you know they produce resources for them to bond with them and them only it’s a female driven situation. If we could get our young women and girls to understand this that they’re really victims these days of in with hookup culture and being pushed into casual sex that they have all the power in their hands if they just turn it around and start being start kind of living the old school way again their lives will be so much better and so would the guys because the guys are benefited by because that leads you down the pathway to marriage and there’s so many benefits in marriage to both but especially the guys i mean for one thing the males have a well females have a 50 % greater chance of death from all causes if they’re not married. Males have a 250 % chance of death by all causes if they’re if they’re not married so being married really helps boys and young men to just mature and again it’s God’s design to make men out of boys especially and take them off the streets take them out of the things that they harm themselves and harm each harm each other. It’s just it’s so wise and our species again our bodies show that we are we’re monogamous and you know you can look at other species I won’t go into go into here today maybe for another time but how promiscuous species have different bodies and monogamous species have distinctive bodies from men. I mean the evidence is all here that we are supposed to live like the Bible describes and like the science it is describing now it’s just a matter of getting it in the message out there too. Again, especially the girls name women because they are the decision makers. They’re the gatekeepers, so and they’re also by instinct and intelligence. Most of them there’s a few, There’s a small percentage that’s an exception to this. But 8590 % of them are they have that tendency. They have that inclination to want to practice chastity till marriage and then get married to a great guy and have a great family and live happily ever after so we just got to help them down, you know, get on that pathway and help them have the courage, you know, to do it. We need to be encouraging them that in this way and again, what I can provide is the science that will back these staff Staffs on these at these pregnancy care centers so they can, they can argue from a scientifically proven point rather than just having to i don’t mean just because the ethical argument’s important too, and the biblical argument is extremely important, but being able to put into science as well, I think really strengthens it did. It did in my life, as far as it strengthened my faith to know this. Hopefully it will theirs.
Jacob Barr :
Too when things are true, it’s just amazing to see how biologically it can be shown and be demonstrated to align with the truth. And so that just seems that it’s amazing. So it and it seems like the instructors of children would include. You know, a single mom, a single dad, two parents or and or their teachers at their school. And I feel like those are probably the biggest instructors of children normally. When do you think the values of marriage and romance should be taught by a parent or a teacher?
Dr. Joe Malone :
Well, I think you can. You know, despite what I said earlier I think you can teach the little ones, you know, romance your mom and dad in an ideal world, the teachers, the teaching staff would all be united on because they know how much value there is to a good marriage to every kind of Wellness outcome you could think of for the kids. They would be united on teaching the even the young children things that promoted marriage especially, you know, man and woman and their biological children, they would be from. They would be telling stories and like they used to i mean when I was a child they were telling they would read the Little House on the Prairie books you know, to us and other books like that and that promoted the idea of family and promoted you know, our ancestors struggle to be able to survive in a lot of cases. They don’t do that anymore from what I can see and I think again there’s so much improvement that can be made made there, but certainly by middle to high school i think you can start having some conversations especially in high school about the value of marriage to these young people in comparison to other things in their life going forward and again I I’m thinking back because in college I I’m far enough back that we actually literally had marriage prep class. I took marriage prep class in college and again that would be great to reinstitute that but the colleges and universities are quite a quite the opposite message these days but high school, yeah, promoting marriage, beginning them and them and the college students to realize that marriage is so valuable it’s the college students. I always wondered at how hard they worked to get it together their bachelor’s degree and you know they work when they’re working on a job. They had their social life and they worked really hard, you know, to pass their classes and everything. They did all that and paid a bunch of money to get something that’s going to help get a good job and hopefully that they did get a good job from it. But there was not very little or no thought put into marriage and thinking about how can I get on a pathway to where I’m going to meet somebody that’s going to be great, you know, and they’re going to think I’m great and we’re going to get married and we’re going to form a family. The importance of that to your well-being and your success in life, I say is more important than the bachelor’s degree or even a master’s or even a PHD Your marriage next to your decision about God or not to believe in God, you know, believe in Jesus and believe they died for us and trust trust in Him to save us from our sins. Other than that your marriage is decision number two, which I think importance so it’s very if any preparation is given at all, if any education is given at all. It’s very passing and you know, very light. I think it should be emphasized greatly because again, a good marriage and again, especially if there’s not too much of A lag time between when a boy and a girl becomes, you know, sexually mature man, I mean fully like 1819 There’s not too much of A lag time between their and like 10 years or so a lag time it’s going to be much easier to live that chase life from the time, you know, they get out of high school and that type of thing to the marriage, like it used to be two or three years than it is now where you’re trying to make it to near 30 before you before you get married does that make sense?
Jacob Barr :
Yeah, that definitely makes sense and I feel like the amount of energy and just planning and work to pour into something that’s so important is, yeah, needs to be promoted and needs to be encouraged and because it’s going to essentially help our society be built on stronger families, yes. So what do you think of when someone teaches less desired or less healthy relationships, like 2 moms or two dads or more than two people like 3 plus people? Compared to the ideal situation of a healthy marriage with one faithful man and one faithful woman, should it be taught that these other relationships that exist are less healthy than one man and one woman? Should we be sharing that story but you know, and what do you think about when they’re all raised to the same level and they’re one’s not brought put below another. And what kind of harm does that create for people who are now being confused about which is the best because they’re being treated as equals based on some of the new, you know when it comes to the new equality outcomes that’s being taught in schools, all situations are now trying to be equal an outcome. And in reality, a healthy marriage based on your data seems to be superior to these alternative relationships that someone could find themselves in.
Dr. Joe Malone :
Well, again, my, I probably do have a bias on this one. And again, biblically, I think it’s pretty clear that the superior choice by far is one man and one woman. And again the science, I think you know we’ll we’ll back you up on that, although I haven’t dug into that as deeply as some of these other subjects but and I haven’t dug into you know the benefits or not benefits of the same sex thing either but again as much, but i’ve been around them enough to tell you that yes, I think it’s clear that heterosexual marriage that stays together that, you know, children are born into. And again, my bias would be that they, it starts earlier and they have more than, you know, they have a fair number of kids, the kids get breast fed, everybody’s going to be healthier including the mother, you know that and that type of thing so I look at things a lot of times from a health and Wellness perspective that’s clear that that’s the case. The others, again, i just keep going back to the, you know, the one in 10.000, thousand the one in thirty thousand as far as transgenderism, the prevalence of it and then everything else, you know, LGBTQ and plus whatever else. It’s 3 % of the population that is, you know, dealing with those issues. And so the 97 % of the population is when I keep my eye on and what I’m really trying to promote this healthy marriage and that sexual Wellness is equal sexual integrity which is really marriage you know, we want to get sex inside marriage. And so I really focusing on that and the other issues I’m observing them. And again like I said, I’ve got my scientific knowledge of it and also my background as far as the way it was raised and that type of thing in the in the church. So I feel that there’s a better pathway and a not so good pathway. I don’t judge those folks. As far as I’m not, I wouldn’t consider myself an enemy with any of them. I don’t wish them ill will at all. But as a scientist, as a hopefully a leader, a thought leader amongst the folks we’re talking about here, I would have to say, yes, that the ideal is a one man, one woman, and A and a fairly large family and again, church attendance and community involvement. You know, the benefit of a, just to give you one example, the benefit of a good marriage with a man and a woman, especially a long term. It’s Jefferson on so many levels i’ll just tell you the one I think is 1 very interesting. They did a study with these couples and some of them were, you know, they were living together and some of them and some of them were, you know, in unhappy, predominantly relationships and some weren’t happy marriages. What they found was that the ones that were in a happy marriage at night, literally they had them, they strapped them to blood pressure they had blood pressure, you know, checking devices on them that they could still, I guess, sleep with. But what they found with the others that weren’t in a married situation, man and woman married, they all that none of them had this effect that the married couples did when they’re sleeping at night. And that effect was both of their blood pressure dropped. Their blood pressure’s dropped tremendously compared to the other ones that weren’t either weren’t in a committed relationship or you know, not in a good getting along well together and that type of thing so a great marriage is on so many levels marriage this, you know your traditional man and woman is positive on so many levels and not only to the couple themselves but again the some of the research I have done more on is the children you know how it affects the children and I mentioned one thing earlier about a daughter you know how she’s affected by either having her biological dad especially a loving you know, biological dad in home. It really makes her thrive in general. And it really is helpful to girls because as they grow up, because their father is really the first role model for a male for them to apply to other, you know, the boys that they start having attractions to and then eventually their husbands so without that situation, you know, in the home, there’s a lot of, I think there’s a deficit there that’s hard to replace otherwise and as some of it at least is pheromone, pheromone, you know, so his familiar pheromones, his, you know, his chemistry is like hers. And there’s a comfort there. And again, it lowers the stress level on her body to the point where she doesn’t start menstruating earlier like I like I said, if there’s a different situation so does that make sense?
Jacob Barr :
Yes and yeah so I think we’ve covered a lot of good material and I am really glad that you highlighted some of these concepts that I was not aware of and I just know that our audience is going to really treasure and try and, you know, figure out how to communicate some of these valuable ideas to women who are coming in different scenarios and also, I hope and pray that people working with our schools and parents will be able to convey these ideas as preventive content, preventive education and preventive measures to avoid hardships thank you so much, Doctor Joe, for being on the podcast. Any last thoughts or.
Dr. Joe Malone :
Yeah. Thank you, Jacob the honor really is all mine appreciate you the opportunity to be on here and I appreciate your thoughtful questions and just this conversation that we can have yeah. Prevention yeah that is really. Yeah and what we’re what I’m hoping to be able to do and with these in combination in you know in collaboration with these pregnancy care center Staffs and again I want to be a scientific resource for them and really wants to hammer that message of the especially to the girls and young women that really you can you got the superpower you know you you’ve got the superpower through chastity and through designing your life the way you want it to be, to never have to face a situation of an abortion or a lot of other you know, STI, we, I didn’t get to the SSTISSTDS But all of that disappears too when you have, when you practice this lifestyle, you know, just real quick, a woman has a 8 times a higher chance of getting HIV if there’s HIV, you know, between the couple than the guy does and that’s of course, that’s hugely serious. And they have a four times greater chance of getting gonorrhea because their anatomy is conducive to that because it’s easier to pinch rate than the male genitalia is with the viruses, and also it’s moist and warm and that type of thing, which lends itself to infections and that type of thing so that’s just one more thing to add on to these girls and young women. You know and any women that are listening especially or men but especially women, older women, they’re listening is our girls and young women deserve to be protected from this and if anybody’s listening to me, if this resonates with you rings rings a bell in your heart as far as we got to get this message to these young females and we got to protect them because right now they’re just being torn apart you know in the society with by ways that society is expecting them to behave and again they end up last resort you know if they’re pregnant they end up in our care and that’s a wonderful situation that we’re here to care for them but a whole lot of heartache and heartbreak can be avoided and stress if we can get to them earlier get to them upstream from the abortion situation and again start really pounding pounding a drum for marriage and how all the great things about marriage and how getting prepared for it is more important than their college education and that type of thing and it’s a good thing don’t be don’t be afraid of it don’t be afraid if it’s you know if you’re in love with somebody to think you have to wait till you’re 30 years old because again, I think we set a lot of young people up for failure in this chastity situation by suggesting to them that oh, you can’t get married until you’re 27 or 28 just wouldn’t be the right thing to do. Well, they got to go all the way from 1718 when the hormones hit their and the guys at least the whole their highest level and we’re putting a pretty high task on them. You and I both know when the people are listening, know that it’s the most difficult time in history so far to practice chastity. But it can be done and I think if a movement can be started, it can catch fire and grow because it’s in them to do this it’s it’s in their hearts, it’s in their intelligence, it’s in their instinct and the guys will respond to it and against in them to practice chivalry and romance and respect for the women is just so much better. Everybody wins on that.
Jacob Barr :
And then I’ve got one last question this one comes from our last podcast, which is so let’s say there’s a man and a woman in a marriage and for some reason they, you know, their bond is not strong it’s a weak bond. You know, from your research, how can they grow that bond while in their current marriage? Does that essentially mean that they need to have romance for three months and, you know, without releasing, you know, from climax or what’s that look like for someone to recover from, you know, while being in a difficult marriage?
Dr. Joe Malone :
I don’t think it would be a bad idea to have to, you know, be apart from each other and I don’t mean literally apart or like different houses or that time they can be in the same house. But I think it would be actually a good idea for them to go celibate for a while. And again, especially for the man to romance the woman and, you know, look at their schedules because a lot of times these days, you know, husband and wife are so busy with so many other different things that the low just of the, you know, Internet, the Internet puts on us with the emails and everything that we have to keep up with. There’s just so many things that can get us bogged down that we forget that life is really lived face to face. And you know, you need much or most of your time to be face to face and especially with, you know, the love of your life, your spouse your the person you’re going to be with hopefully the rest of your life. So that’s one thing I would recommend is, you know, maybe taking a little vacation from the from the intimacy department, but work back towards it, real intimacy you know again making a situation where it isn’t just oh you know we didn’t have sex so we better have sex you know but we got to do this you know right afterwards and that type of thing. What I’ve what I’ve found is that a lot of couples just over time they’re the rest of their lives take their life with each other away from them because they can always put that off and you know so yes I think that I think a romantic vacation would especially on the guy side of it would build up that more that basal pressing and oxytocin again and romance her and date her and you know again on the other side of it the woman feels so special when she’s treated like that as well so yeah, that’s actually a good idea on your part and again, won’t solve all of them, but I bet you it would solve a high percentage of them because the research on that is that most people, most couples that end up getting divorced were not really in a bad state of disagreement and they weren’t really at each other’s throats until the divorce actually happened. So once the once the divorce is in process and their attorneys are going back and forth, that’s when it really gets, you know, the point of no return so and again there’s a high percentage, I can’t bring back the exact percentage of couples that you know are unhappy but if they’re kind of encouraged to stay together, you know like it’s like within a year if they stay together a high percentage of I think 70 % of them end up not getting divorced. If they just are encouraged to stay together and maybe practice some of the behavior that you’re talking about with each other, actually paying attention to each other and setting aside time, you know, for each other in their in their schedules.
Jacob Barr :
Yes, so a weekly date night along with a season of romance without sex sounds like a good recipe for recovery or building.
Dr. Joe Malone :
Just in general, in our society, I don’t think we can go wrong with having as much more romance in general as we can, because we’re pretty low on it, even with married couples, but especially these the youngsters coming up but. Yeah, more romance is going to help, I think, on every Level.